@Cifer, that’s a pretty interesting concept!
I have a lot of feedback, which I hope helps.
The design philosophy has some mismatch with this system, so some of my advice will be based on bringing it in line with the “style guide,” not just addressing its internal logic.
Note on structure: The upgrades should be on a 4-by-4 grid below the basic power, with the option to “merge” two smaller blocks into a larger block where appropriate. This would affect your layout since you have a more free-form tree structure.
“Saving Throws”: Hard Discipline is pretty easy for even a moderately advanced Jedi, especially if it can be attempted weekly (and this system usually doesn’t measure time in such increments). If ease of breakage is intended design, more power to you, but I would personally increase that difficulty and make it longer-lasting. I would also recommend making it a narrative requirement rather than a simple check.
I do very much like the opposed check, however. That is strong mechnarrative design. I would tweak it a little bit, and set a base difficulty of something like Formidable. The other character can resist, upgrading the Difficulty equal to Discipline, or provide Skilled Assistance, adding upgrades, Ability dice, or Boost di(c)e as appropriate.
This doesn’t give any ability to form a bond, which makes the order of operations seem a little bit off. However, I gather that your objective with the basic power is not the forming of a Force bond, but the use of said Force bond, which can be formed without the character’s input for narrative reasons or due to the actions of another character. Makes sense to me.
The “continent” range modifier is strange, and I don’t recommend it. A continent is (usually) far larger than Long range, which artificially limits the range at which they can be perceived. It also artificially changes the practical distance at which they can interact depending on where they are on the continent. Someone in San Francisco could clearly communicate with someone in New York City, but take them past Long range offshore and they can’t anymore (or what about London to Paris vs. Caen to Kyiv?). I would recommend unifying the range metric as “Extreme range on the planetary scale.” (This is where the SWRPG’s way of measuring distances breaks down, because the narrative ranges don’t clearly correspond to real-world measurements, making absolute distance difficult to determine in long-distance narratives.)
I would stipulate somewhere that a Force die must be committed to sustain the opened Force bond.
Carrying on from that, the Range upgrades in the RAW are specifically designed to be identical, stacking talents with an effect based on the quantity purchased. You’re in a pickle here because there is no “galactic” range system (e.g., planet, system, sector, galaxy), so I’d say an exception can be made. I’d recommend keeping to the pattern of planet, system, etc.
Here’s my attempt, trying to keep it as close to the RAW norm as possible:
Range 1: “The character may spend FP to trigger the Range upgrade, increasing the power’s range to a target on or orbiting the same planet. This may be activated multiple times, extending the range to the same system, same sector, and then galaxy-wide.”
Range 2: “The character may spend FP to trigger the Range upgrade, increasing the power’s range to a target in the same system. This may be activated a second time, extending the range to a target anywhere in the galaxy.”
I read this to mean that the character can establish an additional Force bond, not activate. I would recommend making it “the character may spend FPFP to increase number of targets affected equal to the number of Magnitude upgrades purchased.” This makes it more in line with standard procedures, while also extending its effects to both activating Force bonds and generating Force bonds.
I like how you made three of the four upgrades entirely optional. I would recommend making them all optional, however, scooting them all the way to the left.
The control talents don’t need to be numbered, unless that’s a quirk of the system you used. They can be taken in any order and are not ranked.
“Quick Check”: I would recommend making this conditional on the bond being active, but passive while it is. It’s a complete about-face from how you stipulate that it is NOT conditional on that, but since range activations aren’t guaranteed I think it is more internally consistent (it also adapts to the Range changes I recommended).
“Touch Force”: This is excellent. 9/10. Only knock is the name. I think “Force Touch” sounds better. I’d also drop the “other” off Force powers since you have an upgrade that requires this power to count as well.
“Transfer Item”: I think 1 FP per Encumbrance is way too restrictive, and it also breaks down with 0 Encumbrance items. Can you pass an infinite number of those? My recommendation: “…spend 1 FP to pass an item with an Encumbrance no greater than the character’s Force Rating. The number of objects passed can be increased by activating Magnitude.” (This synergizes with my suggested change to Magnitude.)
Okay, there’s a lot here.
The consumable components are very much a D&D thing, and not present anywhere in the rules. The Force also rarely uses material components, so that requirement feels a bit off.
The LS-only requirement on Support doesn’t fit, and the combination of the two effects doesn’t feel natural.
Creating a bond is something that I think should have its own upgrade, which should include rules for “forcing” a bond or creating one with a non-Force sensitive. I don’t think the mutuality of “both must possess” is necessary or useful. I think this works best if it’s just a matter of an individual’s ability to initiate. If person A activates the power, it’ll have greater range and effect than if person B activates the power.
Usually, a “LS only” effect is matched with a “DS only” effect. What I would recommend here is dropping both effects from this talent and giving it an effect similar to Warding Bond from D&D (yeah, I just said “that’s too D&D” and suggested something be like D&D xP):
“If no DS were used to generate FP, any character involved in the bond may choose to suffer Strain one of the bonded characters would have suffered. If no LS were used to generate FP, the character may inflict Wounds he would suffer on a bonded character instead.”
There is some awkwardness with these, particularly the “web” one. Web could proliferate quite rapidly, creating massive webs of Force bonds to the point where any intended limitation is lost, or alternatively, where a given character has so many voices in his head he can’t make a connection with a specific person because all of his “slots” are filled, depending on how you intend the upgrade to behave.
I think this needs to be made into a “Create Bond” upgrade. Limiting the “networking” is simpler if bonds aren’t shared. “A character can never sustain a number of bonds greater than the character’s Force Rating.”
Here’s how I’d write a “Create Bond” upgrade: “The character makes a Force Bond check and rolls an Average Discipline check. Spend FPFP to create a bond with another character. A willing target may provide Assistance, but an unwilling target may Oppose the check. The character may spend FPFP to keep his part of the bond secret.”
This naturally expands to allow the use of the Magnitude upgrade, increasing the number of characters affected.
I’d also suggest you consider making the secrecy a DS thing, with the LS corollary being establishing a bond that the character does not participate in, but I think it makes more sense for the initiating character to be involved.
Coven/Touch of Fear
Again, strange to combine. Also, there are no powers that have more than a single Mastery (and some don’t even have one).
I recommend dropping the “Touch of Fear” half and making it Control. Coven is a strange name, but I’m not sure what would be better. Maybe “Power-Sharing”?
Here’s how I’d simplify it: “If no DS were used to activate Force Bond, the character may commit [Force Die]. Once per round, a character in the active Force Bond may roll an additional [Force Die]. If the character activated Force Bond and used any DS, he may compel a bonded character to commit [Force Die] and may roll an additional [Force Die] once per round.”
In a long-distance Force bond, the “front-line” character could benefit from Force Bond both now in injury-sharing and in power-sharing. If, for example, you have two bonded Jedi, one back at the temple an another in the field, the one “at home” could activate the power, commit a die to sustain it, and commit a die to effectively give the partner +1 FR, while also absorbing Strain for the other Jedi. The potency of these effects are diminished in a connection with multiple characters.
As mentioned, this ought to be Control, not Mastery, due to the 1-per-power limit.
“The character may spend FPFP to perceive the target’s surroundings as if looking from their eyes and affect their surroundings as if acting from their body. No objects or projectiles can be transferred, but Force powers may be used if their other conditions can be met and the character may make melee attacks. If no DS were used to activate the power, this is experienced by all affected targets.”
If you add the part about committing a Force die to the basic power, I think this can be dropped.
So those’re my thoughts. I hope they’re helpful and not overwhelming. <_<